Making This Moment Count

"My name is Shirley Downie, and during the holiday season in 2008 my husband Russ was killed in a motorcycle accident. A month earlier, we were celebrating his 50th birthday in Las Vegas. Eighteen months later, I completed a hike to the top of Half Dome in Yosemite National Park - where Russ and I were married in 2003. It was during this trip that my best friend Liz, who had been my primary support system since my husband's death, suffered a freak slip-and-fall accident which contributed to her death three weeks later."

Click here to watch Shirley's story...

In the course of my work, I counsel many families in the weeks leading up to a loved one's funeral and even weeks after as the survivors try to navigate the multitude of details trying to close down the person's estate, getting their loved one's affairs in order, and even resolving their own emotional aftermath.

I think this is partly because I am a really good communicator - I know how to talk in such a way that resonates with my listener - and partly because I can empathize with most situations that involve death and dying. This ability to empathize provides the "silver lining" to my husband Russ dying, followed by Liz: I know exactly what the family is going through, because I've been there myself.

But I venture to say these same families would be surprised to hear me suggest that in my own personal view, my story doesn’t make me “special.” It makes me representative of a much bigger group of people in the global community whose lives have been forever changed through the death of a loved one. The tragedy is that most of those people, however, feel isolated by these experiences. My opportunity – my mission, if you will – is to take a different approach: Instead of allowing them to segregate us, these experiences are what serve to bring us together.

Rather than shy away from my experiences, I choose to embrace them.



I began this project shortly after my husband's death. As I have continued down this path, it has become evident that the issues and challenges surrounding "the death of loved ones and how grieving survivors continue on" are more universal than just my own experiences: I have discovered that this is a message that resonates with anyone who has lost a loved one. It also helps to increase the awareness of those who may not have personally experienced this kind of loss yet - but nevertheless seek to understand in the hopes of supporting grieving survivors, as well as helping prepare one's own family for these events which are destined to touch each of us at some point in our lives.

To bring this project to life, I need your help.

If you are able to donate despite these difficult economic times - you can donate here - God bless you! And if you can help spread the word, you do a meaningful thing... not just for me in this moment, but for all of those people who struggle with loss daily. For all of those people who carry around the heavy burden of fear; fear of the unknown. You are not alone.


Peace.



 

Steve Jobs' Legacy: Positive Impact

I am well-known in my various circles for my habit of sharing quotes which – in one way or another – resonate internally with my world-view, or otherwise impact me in a positive way. The following Steve Jobs’ quotes are examples of this, in honor of Mr. Jobs’ recent announcement that he will be stepping down as the CEO of Apple, a company he founded which became one of the largest technology companies in the world – primarily due to Mr. Jobs’ leadership and tendency towards innovative – and sometimes controversial – business strategies.

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

Life can be challenging. It can be wonderful. It can be traumatic. The constant through all of it is how well each person is anchored to his or her own mission; in other words, the meaning one incorporates into one’s own existence. I am convinced that when you follow your passion, you have the strength, focus and fortitude to withstand the obstacles that life invariably throws your way.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Sometimes this awareness comes through a lot of trial and error. But it was someone’s else’s famous quote that tells us “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” The trick is to adjust one’s behavior to evolved expectations. Once those two elements are in line, one’s own life happiness percentage is much increased.

“No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.”

Life is cyclical. It is seasonal. It also shares some of the same characteristics as death. A person is born into a space only he or she can fill, then eventually dies leaving a space that nobody else is capable of filling. It’s very symmetrical; poetic, even. Both are universal; every human being shares both experiences – yet the impact on our surrounding relationships covers a wide spectrum.

“When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”

Nobody knows when that last day of life will be reached. This quote to me speaks of planning: How can I have a meaningful effect on my world beyond the actual days of my life? Not only is it important to lay the groundwork in the day-to-day, but also to realize that some of the seeds being planted will be sprouting and impact our loved ones much later in THEIR own lives. What an awesome thought. What an awesome responsibility.

“A lot of times, people don’t know what they want until you show it to them.”

It’s not what you say that counts; it’s what you do. People don’t know how you feel until they can visibly see the action. Talk is cheap.

“The problem is I’m older now, I’m 40 years old, and this stuff doesn’t change the world. It really doesn’t. But it’s a disservice to constantly put things in this radical new light — that it’s going to change everything. Things don’t have to change the world to be important.”

This reminds me another quote by Brandi Snyder: “To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.” Even the smallest actions have the potential to create the biggest ripples. We may not be aware of it, but be assured it is absolutely true.

“Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me … Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful… that’s what matters to me.”

When that day comes, and Steve Jobs has been laid to rest somewhere on the planet, you can be sure that those closest to him as well as those whose lives have been positively impacted by his life and achievements will acknowledge and pay respect to his legacy – not the public image, not the successful business leader image – but as a man who devoted his life towards “making it count.”

Steve Jobs' quotes reference web location, Wall Street Journal: http://blogs.wsj.com/digits/2011/08/24/steve-jobss-best-quotes/?mod=yahoo_hs 

Brandi Snyder quote reference web location, Think Exist Quotations: http://thinkexist.com/quotation/to_the_world_you_may_be_just_one_person-but_to/189999.html

Death: An Experience For The Living

In the course of my many discussions with families about pre-planning funeral services, I invariably run into the commonly expressed procrastination tactic which is captured by the phrase, “Um, I’d like to think about it… I have a lot going on in my life, and anyway Shirley, doing this right now is not urgent.”

I spent some time thinking about this earlier today; the average person’s tendency to put off pre-planning. My personal belief is that at its core, the motivating factor for human beings is, basically, that it’s difficult to come to terms with the fact that one day, our life will end. That someday, we are NOT going to be here – walking around, driving to work, having lunch with our significant other, going to the beach with our friends, opening Christmas presents with our families and loved ones surrounding us. So that’s a big part of it – nobody wants to talk about death, especially his or her own. But I suspect there is more to it than just that.

In most other activities in the world, there is a definite “actions vs. consequences” pattern. If one does not brush and floss his or her teeth frequently enough – also known as “the action” – then what’s likely to follow are lots of trips to the dentist. Cavities, oral surgery, dentures… the more you neglect your teeth, the more negatively the consequences will affect you. But what’s important to note in this example is that you, and you alone, take on the responsibility for your own actions. “Planning for retirement” is another example of this. You work and you scrimp and you save, sometimes making difficult economical choices over the several years of your life, and the reward for doing those things is to have enough money to live on when you are no longer actively working. For those that take the grasshopper route, you can sometimes observe those poor souls in the neighborhood grocery store buying 20 cans of cat food – and not actually owning a cat.

Anyone who has ever had to go through the death of a loved one in their immediate family understands what a heart-wrenching, emotionally traumatic event that can be. If there was no plan put into place ahead of time, there are a myriad of issues that compound the “to be expected” shock, loss & grief that surrounds losing the person to begin with. The unexpected piece is all of the added misery piled on – the argument amongst various family members, the feelings of guilt whether the right decisions were made to honor the person’s life, the feeling of nausea in facing the Funeral Director across the desk who has just uttered the words, “So, your total comes to $12,378 dollars and 27 cents – how would you like to pay for that? We accept cash, check or charge.”

In our industry, there is an oft-used AARP statistic from a telephone survey done in 1998 that says, “32% of Americans age 50 and over” have done some pre-planning – whether that’s purchasing cemetery property or prepaying other funeral service expenses. Here’s the message I would like to send to the other 68%: Pre-planning your funeral service or not pre-planning your funeral service will not change YOUR life. At all. Unlike every other endeavor, this is the one time that you personally will be spared the consequences of your actions.

But there is still a price to be paid. Who are you going to stick with the bill as you high-tail it out of Life’s restaurant?

The last person that told me, “It’s not urgent, Shirley” – I agreed with her. She reasoned that she had “a lot going on right now.” I understood that. I have my own life as well – if anyone can relate to the concept of “a lot going on” you can be absolutely sure: I do. Now, imagine for a moment that busy life of yours, the one you are living with a lot going on, coming to a screeching halt with a totally random phone call. Imagine the unimaginable, the unthinkable… one of the meaningful people in your world all of a sudden being snatched out of it; no warning, no preparation. You had plans, didn’t you. Things you were going to do. Everything wiped away as easily and completely as an eraser against a chalkboard. This can’t be right? This doesn’t make sense! It’s a beautiful day, the sun is shining, I’m defrosting a roast to make for dinner tonight.. this can’t happen! This doesn’t make sense!??!?

I also told that last person: “It’s never going to be urgent – until someone dies.”

Know this: the final chapter of your life is always included in someone else’s life story. Is it reliving a wonderful adventure? Or is it a cautionary tale to help other families learn a difficult lesson? How you ultimately write that chapter is up to you; but the people you leave behind will be the ones to read and re-read those words over and over for the rest of their own lives.

If you care, care about it NOW when you can still make a difference. Not for yourself, but for those people you go to the beach with. That surround you during the holidays when you are opening your Christmas presents. That person you love having lunch with – that person defrosting a roast to make for dinner tonight.

There is nothing more urgent than taking care of the people you love, on what’s going to be one of the worst days of their lives.

Peace.

A Loved One Dies: But Never Goes Away

I love to sing. Like most human beings with any particular passion, I arrange my life in such a way as to allow for as many opportunities as I can in which to engage in that passion. In my case, most of this engagement is through church. A regular member of two separate music ministries, I spend the majority of this time either as a choir member – I usually sing in the Alto section – or as a cantor. For the unfamiliar, the cantor is a person usually up at the altar near the minister, priest, or presider who is responsible for leading the rest of the assembly in singing of the various musical hymns. In taking on such a visible role in my community – as well as being a relatively decent singer – I frequently get asked to sing for other meaningful celebrations as well; weddings, quinceaneras, and funerals.

Almost a year ago, the family of one my high school friends approached me to sing at her funeral. 39 years old, Liz wasn’t sick – during a week in July like any other, she went into the emergency room on a Thursday night complaining of some nausea. By Sunday night, Liz was pronounced brain-dead. As you can imagine, this came as a huge shock to her husband, her parents, her three siblings (a brother and two sisters, all younger). But it was also particularly shocking to me, because not only was Liz my friend since high school, she was my BEST friend. The person who knew all my secrets. The person who supported me through my life – including the death of my husband Russ two years before. With all my idiosyncrasies and quirks and character flaws, Liz was the one who never, ever wavered. I could not have loved her more if we were blood.

Most of the time, even the best musicians cannot overcome the challenge of singing at an event as significant as the funeral of their best friend. But I felt that it was the best way I could pay my respects to Liz; to honor her life and her impact on mine through the gifts that I possessed – gifts that made me special. Being able to pull emotions out of listeners through music is one of my gifts. And I wanted every single person in that church to feel the way I did; I wanted them to feel the pain of losing a beautiful person, soul, and fellow human being – from my perspective, an angel walking among us mortals that finally ended her vacation and returned home.

I chose the music. One of the songs I wanted to sing was already a favorite, given the message and the melody of it: You Alone (Sarah Hart & Dwight Liles). As with many spiritual hymns, the words talk about God and how He is worthy of our adoration and honor. To me, much like Liz. How His name is synonymous with love. To me, much like Liz. How blessed we are to have the gift of His friendship. To me, much like Liz.

I put all of my heart and my soul and my love for my friend into the music that day. Was it difficult to keep it all together? Absolutely. But I knew Liz appreciated it, and the way I knew was through all of the people there that loved her like I did. I knew through their tears. I felt their loss. I felt their grief. And through the music, I shared my own.

And so life moves on. Here I am, almost a year later. You can still find me singing at church; pretty much every week for the majority of Sunday, and sometimes a few hours on Saturday. This particular weekend I will be helping to perform the music for Confirmation  - in Catholic doctrine, Confirmation is the sacramental process by which a person becomes, officially, an adult member of the church. It’s a big deal – the Bishop in our diocese comes out to preside over the celebration.

I have the privilege of singing Liz’s song. Because it is her that I think of every time I sing it now, and for the rest of my life.

Read Liz's Story Here       

Why Purchasing A Casket Ahead of Time (And Storing it in Your Garage) Is A Bad Idea

As a professional working within the funeral industry, I recently had the opportunity to sit in on a presentation given by one of our vendors, the Batesville Casket Company. With corporate offices located in Batesville, Indiana, the Batesville Casket Company operates several manufacturing plants in various locations – Indiana, Mississippi, Tennessee, in addition to Mexico City and Chihuahua, Mexico.

A subsidiary of Hillenbrand, Inc., Batesville Casket Company is one of the leading manufacturers of metal and hardwood burial caskets. In the virtual words of Hillenbrand CEO Ken Camp, “Our business is not so much about death, but about celebrating the wonders of life.” And judging by the inside peek into the day-to-day operations of working in and running a casket manufacturing plant, it is easy to see that every Batesville Casket employee from top to bottom expresses that sentiment in every aspect of their daily activities – all designed to bring a high-quality, meaningful product to consumers at one of the most difficult moments in each individual family’s history.

Generally, caskets can be manufactured out of wood or metal. The price of a casket ranges widely depending on the materials used, workmanship (i.e. how much labor is involved), the actual design of the casket, and casket features. For example, a casket made out of mahogany will be more costly than one made out of pine because of the availability of the wood. Mahogany trees are native to tropical and rain forest areas, such as Africa and Latin America; whereas pine trees can grow in any soil anywhere in the world. Metal caskets are assembled through machining processes (metal stamping, welding, etc.) whereas wood caskets are subject to sanding, rubbing, staining – depending on the wood used – with some of these “by hand” processes occurring multiple times for each casket. Think “fine furniture.” Straight casket corners take less labor time than rounded casket corners. Velvet interiors are more luxurious than crepe interiors, and special fabric panels sewn into the lid of the casket enable pictures of the deceased loved one or other family members to be displayed during the viewing or funeral service.

In working with my families on their funeral pre-arrangements, from time to time I get asked my opinion about the available option of purchasing a casket through certain (unidentified) membership warehouses or other retail locations.

Here are some thoughts as to why I believe purchasing and storing a casket ahead of time isn’t the best plan:

1.       Quality/deterioration of the product

Let’s imagine for a moment you were shopping at your local membership warehouse and an enticing “casket deal” caught your eye. It’s made of wood, doesn’t look too plain, seems serviceable… and you conveniently drive a pick-up, making it easily transportable to your garage at home. Check that off the to-do list, right? As that casket sits in your garage year after year, the wood (recall the material source: a living, breathing tree) will expand and contract in fluctuating temperatures, the glue holding it together will disintegrate, the panels will bow and split. If the casket is made of metal, it may stand up a bit better to environmental conditions and the passage of time. Which brings me to the next point. 

2.       Logistics

That future day arrives. No, you don’t know it when that day begins, but your family members are sure to know by the time that day ends – it will be the longest day in their experience. You happen to be on a weekend vacation getaway in Las Vegas (i.e. far away from home). Right in the middle of pushing all of your chips out on black 18, you freeze, your hand flies up to your chest in an attempt to clutch the area near your heart, and you slump forward on top of the Roulette table. Because inter-state travel requires embalming prior to transportation of a deceased person, chances are good that the container used to ship you home will be – yup, you guessed it – a casket. The alternative is to cremate and be hand-carried on the plane or in the car by your spouse or other family member.

3.       Affect on prearrangement funeral package discounts

Many mortuaries and funeral homes offer funeral service packages which can be pre-arranged and pre-funded. A benefit to funding a pre-arranged funeral service plan is – among other things – so that the costs of products and services are guaranteed never to increase over time. This is an important point, because these costs are subject to inflation (as are most things nowadays). Most of these packages will include a specified dollar allowance for the casket, the flowers, etc. Because you are purchasing a package which incorporates all the traditional elements of a funeral service, mortuaries and funeral homes will further incentify your purchase by applying a package discount. By removing the casket from the package, it potentially invalidates the package requirements – as well as the subsequent discount.

4.       Emotional implications

Most people, on an intellectual level, realize that everyone dies. Most of those same people, from an emotional perspective, don’t like to think about it. I am guessing that having a casket sitting in one’s garage to look at, walk around, move out of the way to pull out the Christmas decorations, the camping equipment, or whatever else is in your garage that shares space with that casket – forces you to acknowledge, every day, that you are going to die. Someday. A long time from now? Tomorrow? Who is to say? But ask yourself this question: Is it emotionally healthy for yourself and your family to be slapped in the face with that reality day after day for potentially decades?

Final Thoughts

Funeral service situations are anything but purely economical endeavors. It’s not about “getting a deal” – it’s about your family being able to give respectful acknowledgement and meaning to your life, to grieve over their loss, and to live for the rest of their lives with the memory of your final celebration. If you can’t afford to do everything you think you should, start with the basics – your family can build on the foundation you’ve laid for them.

Batesville products are accessible exclusively through selected licensed mortuaries & funeral homes throughout the United States.

Be Careful What You Wish For: The Dark Side of Funeral Preplanning

A few weeks ago, I was out at the Toyota Grand Prix in Long Beach with my friend Laurie and her boyfriend Josh. During our lunch at Tequila Jack’s, our conversation took one of those typical turns down the “what do you do for a living?” road. As soon as I respond “I help families plan funeral services ahead of time,” the discussion becomes very interesting; given that this answer is not the typical “I am a Realtor” or “I work at Macy’s at the fragrance counter.”

I love interpersonal communications. My personal belief is that there is no more important endeavor than trying to connect with my fellow human beings; especially because of the personal growth I experience as a result of these interactions. Nobody lives in a vacuum, after all.

During our lunch, I learned a little more about Josh and his family. Having recently celebrated his 47th birthday, he was raised primarily by his mom - his dad left the picture when Josh was a small child. As a result, his relationship to his mother is very close; they speak on the phone at least weekly (she lives out of state), Josh - along with his two other siblings - helps to partially financially support her, and he makes it a point to get out to see her a minimum of twice a year. Each visit lasts an average of three weeks.

Josh and his mom have had “the talk.” No, not THAT one… the one about what she would like to have happen after her vacation here on Earth concludes. In other words, when she dies. From Josh’s description, his mom prefers to be “cremated and scattered in some meaningful place” which Josh named but escapes my memory at the moment. She does not want a viewing, and was undecided about a memorial (funeral) service.

Josh went on to say he was fully prepared to see his mom’s wishes through to the final instruction, which is all well and good – until I heard the next statement come out of his mouth. Apparently, his mom has two sisters – Josh’s aunts. The topic of his mom’s final disposition has been discussed in the presence of her sisters to where these two ladies have some issue with certain details of Josh’s mom’s plan. Specifically, the lack of a viewing and the “scattering” parts.

An aside on viewing: I, Shirley D. Downie, personally do not need to view someone who has died in order to say my goodbyes or have closure. However, from my exposure to many families through the course of my job, I realize that most human beings do need this. So I always make a point to try to share the loved ones’ perspective with an individual who is sitting in front of me, planning his or her future funeral service. “Regardless of how you try to downplay it,” I tell the person, “your loved ones will be devastated when you die. Utterly devastated.” Because of my own recognition of this, I included a viewing in my own funeral preplans, because I know my son Christopher is going to need it for his own closure. I feel it is my responsibility, obligation, and acknowledgement of the importance of our relationship to do what I can to “make it okay” for him. To take all of my influence upon his physical and emotional growth, and be able to live his own life to its fullest potential.

Here’s what Josh said to me that made my blood run cold: “I don’t care what my aunts want or if they like it; I am going to do what my Mom wants.”

Now, those people who know me both in a personal and a professional capacity know how I feel about preplanning, given my own life experiences. There are many benefits to preplanning – most importantly because of the huge emotional burden it removes from one’s loved ones when that day comes. Having said that, I frequently sit in front of individuals who – like Josh – are really locked into the idea of “this is what I want” almost to the exclusion of how their immediate family members might feel about things.

Intentionally or unintentionally, Josh’s mom has put him in an untenable situation. If Josh follows through on his mom’s wishes, her sisters will be affected negatively (from an emotional perspective) for the rest of their lives. If Josh does not follow through on his mom’s wishes, he himself will be negatively affected for the rest of HIS life (most people who are forced to make these types of decisions which they believe are not consistent with “what the deceased wanted” typically suffer years of guilt after the fact). This happens a lot with unplanned deaths; where a family is faced with the overwhelming costs of burial, and opt for cremation (a slightly less costly alternative to traditional burial) – knowing full well that their loved one did not wish to be cremated.

Final Thoughts

Yes, this is YOUR funeral service. Yes, the whole reason for planning it in advance is so that you are able to express your wishes and preferences to your family. But, it really isn’t just all about you. When have you ever, in your whole entire life, made a decision that did NOT take anyone else into account? Life is made up of difficult choices and sacrifices for the ones we love. Parents save and scrimp for years to send their children to good colleges. Young people party less and work more hours at their jobs in order to afford rent so they can move out of their parents’ house. Death is no different - losing a loved one to death is a shared experience. Keep that in mind when talking about your own death with your family. After all, they are the ones that are going to have to live with it for the rest of their lives.

Nobody lives in a vacuum.  

Paying For A Funeral: Pre-Arrangement

Generally, anybody can pre-arrange a funeral service. There are many planners, worksheets & templates out there which will help to capture the pertinent details – will this be a traditional funeral service or a cremation service? Would you like a viewing so friends and family will have the opportunity for closure and to say their goodbyes? Is the cemetery where you prefer to be laid to rest located near where you live, or out of state? These are some of the important questions that will need to be answered. Without advance planning, emotionally-shocked survivors are forced to deal with making relatively quick decisions about the final disposition of their loved one – many times resulting in family disagreements or years of guilt thinking, “Did I do the right thing? Is that what Mom would have wanted?”

Once the details of the funeral service have been ironed out, the next step is to arrange for some way to pay for it.

Imagine, hypothetically speaking, that you are contracting for a funeral service pre-arrangement. The cost of your funeral service totals $10,000 (which, in today’s prices, is NOT unreasonable). The legal technicalities are such that you cannot simply write out a check to ABC Mortuary, because you are still alive (therefore, ABC Mortuary is not able to take possession your money directly – until the day comes when you die and ABC Mortuary is in a position to “execute or deliver the product & service details” according to the terms of your contract). Generally, there are two ways to fund a funeral pre-arrangement: by trust, or by life insurance. The method of funding is usually dictated by the specific mortuary or funeral home where the pre-arrangement is contracted.

If your mortuary or funeral home uses a trust to pre-fund your plan: You have the ability to make payments into the trust until 100% of your service is paid. In many cases, you are the one who has control over determining the size and frequency of the payment; though the mortuary or funeral home may have a minimum required payment amount. The drawback to using a trust is that typically the feature of “locking in the cost of services against inflation” is not secure until you have paid in the entire 100%. If you die before you make all the payments, your family will be obligated to come out of pocket for the balance of the cost of your funeral service.

If your mortuary or funeral home uses life insurance to pre-fund your plan: Life insurance funding offers a few distinct benefits that a trust does not. First, the “locking in the cost of services against inflation” usually occurs when you start making payments, not when you finish. The life insurance policy funding your funeral pre-arrangement can typically be accessed by any mortuary or funeral home you find yourself using – not limited to where the contract is originally written. The drawback is there is an additional cost tied to how many years your payments are stretched out over (this has to do with the cost of insurance built into the life insurance policy; there will be a more noticeable difference for older – rather than younger – individuals). So the fewer number of years you can make payments, the better off you are. And, if you die before you make all of the payments, the entire cost of your pre-planned funeral service is covered by the life insurance death benefit (in a lot of cases).

Final Thoughts

Because most people don’t relish the idea of talking or thinking about death, a vast majority have not considered the idea of pre-arranging his or her own funeral service. To find yourself in the position of having to bury a loved one is emotionally overwhelming to begin with; imagine how facing a $10,000 bill in the space of a week to a week and a half feels! Because many families are in such a shocked state, the tendency to “emotionally overspend” happens frequently, as family members try to offset feelings of loss, confusion and grief.

For a simple, 1-page funeral service planning worksheet, email Shirley a request at Agent4Life@earthlink.net.